Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
