Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
