I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
