im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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