it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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