i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
