i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
