Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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