I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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