can we get nightvision for the apartment?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
