this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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