i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
