The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
