we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize