found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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