I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
