I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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