wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My ass is underappreciated
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I party with great urgency now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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