Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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