i just wanna soil my oats bro
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
