At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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