Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is the high leading the old right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I touched a dick in church today
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
