i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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