Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
