i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
