he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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