I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
