Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
