I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
