we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
