I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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