this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
