You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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