I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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