2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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