We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
