Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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