Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
