Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
