Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
