I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
