I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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