p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
