addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
