Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
