My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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