she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize