Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
