I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
