Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
