The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
