is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
