what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am one with the molecules
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
