So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
