Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
