i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
