My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
