bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
