i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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