ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
