Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
