i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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