Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
