see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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