With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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