I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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