i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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