i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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