Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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