watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
