I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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