yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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