I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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