but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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