Four minutes until I can fart!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
