She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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