Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
