i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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