If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
