thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
