trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
