smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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