6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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