All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
