i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
