I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my being single is dangerous.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
