when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
